I've been running around like crazy trying to keep myself busy. Yesterday was the first day i didn't do anything. It was a disgusting and rainy day so it was perfect for staying indoors. The cable guy came and hooked me up with a new dvr box in the morning so i was free to figure out the new Fios remote and menu. So far i think it's better then Comcast, but we'll see. On another happy note the Colts made it to the super bowl. Woooo! Go Colts! I love me some Manning.

Today was a good day. I had a small breakdown at the beginning but it only got better from there. Chris and i went to get some breakfast. Eggs n Belgian waffles are good. Then we went to the Adidas store which is about to close and got a new pair of awesome sneakers super cheep.



I then went to play with my friend's puppy. I'm going through Dexter withdrawals so having other cute puppies to play with helps.



After that i headed back to meet up with Ruben and some of the other tattoo guys to grab a beer and a grilled cheeze sandwich with waffle fries. I feel like there is a waffle theme today. With dinner finished it was back home where Todd and i played wii and beat 2 of Josh's high scores. We then went to Elements, where i ran into 4 random people i had not seen in a while. Over all it was a good day. I need more of those...

Also Lithium says meow!

Friends... Almost.

I have been keeping myself as busy as possible going out with all of my amazing friends. The wii however, played a mean joke on me. I may have deleted Josh's character form the mii page but he is still a ghost on wii resort. There is a outline shadow of his head where his character used to be when you pick out who's playing, as well as his face still shows up everywhere that he had the high score. My new goal is to beat all of his high scores so i will not have to see his mii every time i play. Todd and i played basketball 3 point shoot for over an hour with no success on beating the high score. It seems like it is going to be a big challenge. One i feel i am definitely up for.

The Wii is hooked up and has been played. I Deleted Josh's mii as well as a couple others mii characters. It wasn't in a vindictive or mean way, it was more of a healthy purge. I was getting rid of the people who are no longer in my life so i would not have to be reminded of them every time i played.
Lithy is out, exploring our room and eating again. She has not ventured into the rest of the house yet. When she does I'm a bit worried she's going to get lost in it. This place is much bigger and has many more places to hide then our old home. I hope she snuggles with me tonight.

This is Chi chi. See how he sits and stalks.




Its amazing how she fits her fat ass under the couch.

1-14-10
Thanx Jeff for kicking my ass into gear yesterday. Everything big is unpacked. Have a couple of knickknacks left to sort. Lithy has come out from under the couch to explore the room a few times. Don't think she's really eating yet. Chi chi keeps coming in and trying to eat her food. Chi chi is Jeff's gay Puerto rican cat. He keeps hissing at Lithy but I think they will be friends soon. I got a space heater which decided to blow out one of the two power sources I have in the room so that should be interesting to fix. Riding the bus to the t with the help of the map app is a synch. It gives you all the bus n t times so you can plan your trip better. Had a good night. Went to meet up with some old friends. After that i went to meet up with my roommates. Its nice to be out surrounded by friends. The cats relationship is getting a bit better. That is to say Lithy is pissed off and Chi Chi stopped hissing and just wants to know wtf is going on in his house...

Apparently the time to cry is now.
Sitting on my small couch looking over what is left of my life. I am so alone. Lithy won't come out from under the couch. No Dex. No Josh. Still surrounded by boxes. Alone. The hole in my chest just feels worse now. Ive been trying to ignore it for a week and now its tearing apart. I don't need friends to hug me. What i need is to go back in time and change everything. Since that's not going to happen i guess i need to learn from my mistakes. i need to surround my self with people that are going to love me for being me and not for something they think i am.
This sux. Thats the only way to describe it.. This whole thing just seems so unfair.. i never even had a chance to try n fix anything.
You think your going to be with someone for forever, you hope to make a life with someone you love, and you come to find out that your not enough for them. My heart is broken. My spirt is crushed. I don't even have the strength right now to pick up the pieces.

01-11-10
Palindrome: to be the same backwards and forwards. If only everything was so perfect, so symetrical.

Josh came by the house to let me know that I could spend my last night here with the dog. And the floodgates opened. We both stood still for an instant. There was a crazy amount of energy flowing between us. When he took steps towards me to hug I stoped him and the energy was silenced. That's not fair to get to have everything his way. His last hug to try n make himself feel better. And he said it's going to be like that? Ya. Ya it is. Goodby Star. Goodby Josh.

01-12-10
Everything is moved. I'm sitting on the floor of my new room. Everything I own is in boxes around me. Lithy I'd pissed n hiding. She won't come out. All I want to do is cry. But it's not time yet. Gotta figure out where everything is going to go n try n start unpacking. Then I have to run to cvs or something n buy supplies. I should start writing a list. I have to stay numb just a bit longer. Till I sort through everything n unpacked and in place.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I was looking through an old diary while i was packing. When i opened the first page i saw something i had forgotten about. What a star is to me. 5 points, each one representing how i wanted to live my life:

Do what you want. Have no regreats. Make no appoligies. Trust till you can't. Be true.

I need to remember who i am. So i can be the best me.

Heres to a new beginning.

Not sure where to begin. My life at the moment is in a transitional state, to say the least. At this particular moment Tuesday for all intensive purposes is the farthest i can see into the future. Tuesday is the day that i move into a new place and start a new chapter of my life. Thanx for taking me in boys. The only thing i can think about right now is that everything happens for a reason. I'm not totally sure what that reason is and it still feels like a sledgehammer is hitting me repeatedly in the chest, but at some point ill understand it all. At some point everything will be ok again. And looking back i'll be able to know that this was all for the best. For now i just have to concentrate on packing what remains of my life into boxes.